I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
