I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
