went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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