And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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