Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
