I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
