We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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