you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He better not be in your backpack
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
