Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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