White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
