I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
