Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
