Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We had to coat check the pizza.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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