my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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