Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
