i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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