You're completely useless in the revolution.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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