I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
