we're chasing vodka with high fives
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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