Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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