Me. At least after what I've been through.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
