Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
