He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You're a waste of cheezeits
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
