That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
