Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
