Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
