Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
