You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize