Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Randomize
