he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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