And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
