summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
