My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
