you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
