He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
