we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
