i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
