Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
