Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
