That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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