I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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