i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
