she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
