Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
