guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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