Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
