Soap is not a condiment
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
