Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I forget how to act sober
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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