hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
