if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
