On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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