I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
