well most of my day revolves around power hour
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You ruined the universe
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
