take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
