The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
