She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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