you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize