so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
