none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My feet surprised me
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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