he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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