He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
