she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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