I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
