I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
