Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
