See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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