some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
