birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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