Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
