Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
